My Fly-About

  I've recently let a lot of things go ...

  Not that I'm slacking. Quite the contrary. I've just been focusing myself on other aspects of my being. While I desperately need a better paying job, instead of job searching - I've been doing illustrations for ... myself, basically. Well, they were created because I was inspired and I thought they would sell in some form, right? Wrong. I'm proud of my work, don't get me wrong - just flabbergasted at how hard it is to sell a piece of art. Instead of writing for this blog, I've been writing in general. Stories, you know. I have a couple in the works that I hope to, some day out in the horizon, turn into bonafide novels. Instead of working on more stuff for my storyboarding portfolio, I've been, well, doing everything I just mentioned.

  I often look at myself, now, and say "Giving up again, are we? Repeating your mistakes of 7 years ago, yes?" (7 years ago being when I graduated from art college and decided not to touch a paintbrush or drawing pencil for 3 years. Chyeah, I know.) I have a very strong and powerful fight or flight syndrome. I will fight for something until I'm literally sick of it. And in that sickness, if I don't look back and see some sort of accomplishment, I run to something else. "Surely this will be what takes me to the next stage of life!" I cry, as I jump from animation to storyboarding, wanting to be an artist to not wanting anything to do with an art career, painting back to storyboarding, and storyboarding to illustration and writing. I even do this with smaller aspects of my life - like eating salads for months and then decide that I don't want salads anymore because I haven't lost 20 pounds while eating them.

  So, here I am, blogging when I should be job searching. Thinking of the story I'm writing when I should be doing storyboards - because, that's what I want to do, right? Move to San Francisco and work as a storyboard artist for Pixar or Dreamworks? Right?!

  I'm ... not so sure.

  And that should freak me out - but, most of the time, I find an odd kind of peace with it. My future is open and I could do a myriad of things, and if I'm open to that - then that's okay. It doesn't mean that I've given up on becoming a storyboarder in California or even an artist that's well respected through my home state. It means that if life takes me in another direction that what I dreamed (I mean, we ALL can't work at Pixar, right? There are limitations to how many story artists they have on staff, I'm sure), that I can live with that and possibly be the better for it.

  This post turned into something completely different than what I had planned when I hit "New Blog Entry" on my browser, but - there it is. So, please excuse me if I miss days (weeks .. sorry ..) of blogging or, if you know that I applied for 6 months straight to storyboard positions everywhere, if you ask me "So, have you heard anything yet?" and I reply "Well, I haven't really applied anywhere in a while ..." Because, right now, I'm out flying around the landscape. It may be a short flight or a long one. I may come back to where I was, I may migrate to another land for a season, or I may move to a different climate all together. Just know that wherever I'm flying or wherever I land - that I'm happy, for the most part.

   And also remember that I'm only 29 ... and that I still have a good twenty more years to figure this stuff out.

   Thank you <3 <3